This may be the weirdest blog post I have ever written, but if I am carrying this burden, maybe someone else is too.
The other night at dinner, Tanya asked me about a family matter. I did not remember talking about it. She looked at me and said, “I’m not surprised. Lately you listen, but you aren’t really there when we are talking.”
At first, I was hurt.
Then I realized she was right.
I was reminded of something Craig Groeschel wrote in Weird: Because Normal Isn’t Working:
“Normal people live distracted, rarely fully present. Weird people silence the distractions and remain fully in the moment.”
That hit close to home because the truth is, I had been living a pretty normal life.
Like many small business owners, the past several months have been a whirlwind. At KolorMatrix, we have been working hard to grow, improve, and serve our customers better. I have been focused on creating our new DTF Like a Pro training manual, setting up new DTF classroom equipment, making sample transfers and shirts for hands-on training, and building a DTF production checklist booklet.
On top of that, we are moving from two separate order-entry systems — one for call-in and walk-in orders and another for online orders — into an upgraded Shopify Plus system with new point-of-sale hardware. That means new workflows, new procedures, and a whole new set of SOPs that need to be created and implemented.
But if I am being honest, those are still excuses.
Because as soon as those projects are finished, I know myself well enough to know that I will load my little red wagon right back up to the maximum.
Another project.
Another goal.
Another deadline.
Another “important” thing that feels like it has to be done right now.
Somewhere along the way, I started acting as if success was the highest praise I could achieve in this life.
Being a Provider Is Not the Same as Being Present
At KolorMatrix, we tell our team that our goal is to be a blessing to our customers. We want to help printers grow, solve problems, build stronger businesses, and avoid costly mistakes. We believe business should be about more than transactions. It should be about service.
But I had to ask myself a harder question.
Was I being a blessing at home?
I was trying to be a provider, yes. But being a provider is not the same thing as being fully present.
Providing for your family matters. Working hard matters. Building something meaningful matters. But so does listening. So does laughing. So does sitting at the table without your mind being somewhere else.
So does being available in the small moments.
The small moments are easy to overlook because they do not usually announce themselves as important. They are not scheduled on the calendar. They do not come with a deadline. They do not feel urgent.
But they matter.
A quiet conversation at dinner matters.
Watching a movie together matters.
Sitting around with family matters.
Putting the laptop away matters.
Looking someone in the eyes when they are talking matters.
Those small moments are often where memories are built. They are where love is shown. They are where the people closest to us learn whether they truly have our attention.
When Work Becomes the Distraction
We are headed to Florida to see family for the week of July 4th, and I keep thinking about how many times everyone has been sitting around talking, watching a movie, or enjoying a quiet moment together while I had my laptop open, working on the next great project.
In my mind, it always felt justified.
There was always something important to finish.
There was always something the business needed.
There was always something that felt urgent.
And to be fair, small business ownership does require sacrifice. Anyone who has built or helped lead a small business knows that there are seasons when the work is heavy. There are problems that cannot be ignored. There are customers depending on you, team members depending on you, and bills that still have to be paid.
But there is also a danger in turning every season into an emergency.
If I am not careful, I can make work sound noble while using it as an excuse to be distracted from the people God has placed right in front of me.
That is a hard thing to admit.
But it is also a necessary thing to admit.
Because the goal is not just to build a successful business. The goal is to build a faithful life.
Choosing to Be Weird
Craig Groeschel’s book is called Weird because normal is not always working.
Normal is being constantly distracted.
Normal is being physically present but mentally somewhere else.
Normal is checking the phone during conversations.
Normal is answering emails during family time.
Normal is letting work fill every empty space.
But maybe we are called to be a little weird.
Maybe weird is turning the laptop off.
Maybe weird is leaving the phone in another room.
Maybe weird is sitting through the whole movie without checking messages.
Maybe weird is listening without planning your next response.
Maybe weird is choosing presence over productivity for a moment.
That does not come naturally to me.
I like building. I like creating. I like solving problems. I like helping the business move forward. Those things are not bad. In many ways, they are blessings.
But even good things can become unhealthy when they take the place of better things.
And family is one of those better things.
A Prayer for the Week Ahead
We leave Saturday morning and come back the following Sunday.
Will I make it eight days without working?
Honestly, I do not know.
But I am praying for the wisdom and strength to be weird. To silence the distractions. To be fully present. To remember that the people God has placed in my life are not interruptions to my work. They are part of my calling.
I am praying that I do not miss the small moments while chasing the big ones.
I am praying that I do not confuse being busy with being faithful.
I am praying that I can be more than a provider. I want to be a blessing at home, too.
If you are walking the same road, carrying the same burden, or feeling pulled between building a business and being present with the people you love, I am praying the same for you.
May we have the courage to live a little weird.
And may that weird life be filled with faith, family, presence, and joy.
Related Reflections from KolorMatrix
If this reflection connected with you, here are a few more pages that share more about who we are, why we teach, and the heart behind KolorMatrix.
- Our Story — the story behind KolorMatrix, Tanya’s journey, and our commitment to serving printers like family.
- Why We Teach — why education, hands-on training, and helping printers succeed are central to what we do.
- Women in Print — a look at the women helping shape the print industry and the heart behind our work.